I don’t understand kids

06/19/2010 at 8:43 AM (Life) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Seriously, I don’t get what all the fuss is about. I don’t get what makes kids so special. When I see babies and kids all I see are dumb, selfish, whiny, expensive, germ factories. I’m baffled by people who get all gushy when they see kids.
I went through a short period of time where I thought I might want kids someday. Looking back I think I was just totally in love with my ex (who loves and wants children), and I really wanted to fuck her without a condom. I follow someone on twitter who’s wife is pregnant. Their baby will be here soon and he constantly tweets about how excited he is. If that were me I would be dreading each new day that brought me one day closer to the birth of my child.
I have a friend who’s married with two kids, he recently took a job that requires him to be away from home quite a bit. He was telling me how much he missed his kids. The first question that popped into my mind was “why?”. If I had kids I would love every minute of being away from them. I just can’t understand what is about kids that everyone loves so much. I kind of feel like a sociopath (minus the hurting animals and people part) when it comes to kids; not feeling the emotions that most normal people do, trying desperately to understand but completely lacking the ability to.
It seems like almost everyone wants kids, for some it’s all they think about. Is this something that’s ingrained inside them, encoded in their DNA when they were conceived? Or could it be outside pressure from society telling them that this is what they want, and that they’re not normal if they don’t?
I see a vasectomy in my near future, because this gargoyle doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to wear condoms the rest of his life.

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It’s Okay to Sleep With Married Women

06/06/2010 at 7:48 AM (Helpful Hints, Life) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

A cheating wifeI’ve been having sex with a married woman for a few months now. We’re not a couple, she’s not planning on leaving him for me. We’re just good friends who sometimes fuck, and I don’t feel guilty about it at all.

I would if her husband was a good man, but he’s not. He cheats on her, he’s emoionally and occasionally physically abusive, he controls everything in her life, he barely works, treats her more like a maid than a wife. Now that I’m thinking about it he’s not a man at all; he’s a child in an adult body. Over the years he’s emotionally worn her down to the point where she believes that’s what love is and that she needs him. There’s no hope of her leaving him.

Ironically, it’s his controlling behavior that drove her into my bed. He doesn’t want her having any close friends, and never to talk to anyone about her personal life. His attempt to isolate her from others is what drove her to seek out friendship behind his back, and that secrecy led us to a sexual relationship.

Like I said, I don’t feel bad about it at all. If he finds out he’ll leave her, which will be nothing but great for her, and if I’m lucky he’ll come after me which will lead to his arrest and imprisonment…Double win!

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A good solution for when you’re out of toilet paper

06/05/2010 at 4:45 AM (Helpful Hints) (, , , , , , )

I always keep a bible in the bathroom in case I run out of toilet paper. Those smooth pages feel great after a mega dump, and clean my ass perfectly. Try it!

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